Inspiration & Motivation, Intuitive Tuesdays, Melanin Love, Self-Care Tips

How I Knew To Ditch My Toxic Friendships (Intuitive Tuesday)

We all have those friends we hang out with, but don’t necessarily like. You know the ones… The friend who always flakes on you, or the negative friend who talks about nothing but celebrity gossip and other people. Even the one that you just drink with, but don’t actually have a good time. Why do we hang out with these people?!


Thank God I had an epiphany. I didn’t have to keep hanging out with these people! DUH.




So simple. So obvious.


Now, being in my late 20s, I’ve realized two things about my social life: I would rather stay at home on a weekend about 90% of the time, and I only hang out with a handful of people, not even very regularly. I wondered this the other day and came to the realization that I kept entertaining these lackluster friendships because I just didn’t realize that I didn’t have to. And now, I have a MUCH less tolerance for fickle friendships and more expectations.


Some things just aren’t worth my precious adult-time!


But a good couple years ago, when I was in full swing adult mode, I was stunned at how much little time I felt like I had. College spoiled me with all the free time in the world. I had to fit everything into nights and weekends, instead of whenever I wanted. And a lot of the times after work, I just want to relax on the couch with some wine, and cherish the few hours I have until I have to sleep. Stretching it to the verryyyyy last minute.


So less time, means I want as much time to do what I need to do, which a lot of the times means less time for friends. I figured, this was it. I was old! It started to bother me so much that I went out of my way to make plans with friends more than ever. Even when I just wasn’t in the mood, I would still force myself. I can’t express how I longed for my warm robe and comfy socks back home!


giphy (1)


At some point, I was over it. No more spending my precious robe time just because I felt like I needed to “hang out with more friends”. And feeling like a few of those friends weren’t worth my time. People I knew didn’t have my back like I had theirs, who I couldn’t completely trust, fake, flaky, and just plain rude or obnoxious just had to go. I wasn’t entertaining it anymore, I can tell you that! Scrutinizing my friend pool left me with a drop in friend count, but I felt more comfortable with who I wanted to spend my time with. As selfish as it may seem to rid yourself of some toxic friendships, it seems much worse to have friends that don’t help you be the best person you can be. Not in any righteous way, but to help you make good, self-loving decisions, giving mature, optimistic advice, and genuinely want you to succeed, no matter what. And best of all, be your authentic and fun-loving self. These are foundations of any good friendship.


Quality will always trump quantity. Click To Tweet


In my experience, it has been better to surround myself with more quality friends, than those who didn’t have my best interest in mind. No matter the number. Whether it’s 10 best friends or 2 best friends, make sure they are worthy! If you consider yourself a sincere and giving friend, then you can expect the same from those in your life.


Toxic friends/relationships can:

  • pull you into drama and gossip that only negatively impacts your life
  • Make you second-guess or question your life’s decisions and actions
  • create an atmosphere of a lack of support, disrespect, and distrust in the friendship
  • can distract you from your life’s plans and cloud your path
  • Make you feel like you give more than you receive


Those who have your back are:

  • friends who support your ambitions, dreams, and give you the honest truth even when you don’t realize you need it
  • friends who can motivate you and are ambitious and plan to be successful in their own lives
  • friends you can have an in-depth conversation with that can deepen your spiritual, emotional, and mental thoughts.
  • friends who just help you be a better you!


If you’ve ever felt the way I did, you can make some positive changes within your friends circle. It is self-love to recognize that your time and effort is precious, and you have control over who you spend that time with. Having positive and mature people in your life is a way to find out what other happy, confident, fun-loving people are doing, so that together, you all can all become more happy and authentic in yourselves.

When in doubt, trust your intuition.


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About The Melanated Maven

Hey! My name is Jo and I'm a proud Kenyan, scientist, and researcher of fact and fiction. Natural health/beauty, skincare, mindfulness and self-care are my passions. I hope my experiences motivate you to confidently live a happier, healthier and more authentic life, led by your intuition.
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