I’ve always had a boisterous personality and have always said what was on my mind. And I admit, I have found myself in some trouble because of it. So naturally, sometimes what I have to say comes out blunt. What can I say. This is me.
So I tried to be “nicer”. Didn’t express how I felt if it would make waves, looked the other way when I saw something that was clearly wrong. Didn’t respond back how I should have when approached in a hostile way or was clearly wronged. Basically, just didn’t stand up for myself in the ways I should have. And my confidence and mental clarity paid dearly for it.
I had to stop being nice and start being honest.
I’ve noticed that in the past, my work life and happiness had taken the biggest blow. I was only my real, honest self with very few of my coworkers and still only shared a small fraction of my honesty. I was afraid of being the labeled the loud black girl.
And the tendency for gender discrimination doesn’t help. Women who say what they mean, always seem to be seen as aggressive and negative, while men come across as go-getters.
I’ve been called intimidating, intense, loud, argumentative, accused of having a bad attitude, you name it. And if you’ve gotten negative feedback like this, it does not feel good. But it’s important to always consider the source.
I found that my sources were unimportant and significant to my everyday life, so I dusted that off quickly! And if you’re acting in your own best interest and following your instincts, ignore the haters. There will always be push-back when you’re trying to make change. What’s important is to keep trusting your intuition and learning to like yourself, flaws and all, regardless of the opinions of others.
What’s more freeing than that?
Instead of trying to change my personality and tweaking it for everyone else’s liking, I’ve embraced my personality as a whole. And when you’re not spending time catering to others, you can be your authentic self.
But this doesn’t mean let go of caring about how others feel. It’s giving yourself the freedom to be honest and open, rather than keeping your emotions bottled up. You have to stop being nice and start being honest.
And those that know and love you will understand that.
Always being likable is boring. Why spend so much time tailoring yourself for others, not wanting to make waves? Posturing through smiles and nervous giggles?
Instead of embracing our differences in who we are, we want to melt into the background because it’s easier. I get it! But then we’re just like everyone else, and that’s no fun at all. When you spend more time focused on developing your own unique talents, you gain a much clearer perspective of yourself and those around you. Stop dulling your shine for everyone else’s comfort!
I’m the biggest cheerleader for those who shake things up and speak their minds! It’s more important to like yourself than for everyone else to. You’re living this life and sometimes others aren’t going to approve. And they’re probably going to talk about it.
But if you’re making a confident choice that makes you happy, their approval isn’t necessary. In fact, no one’s approval is ever necessary, except your own. And when you stop being nice, and start being honest, your opinion of yourself will become the only one you truly care about.
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